I’m in a brain funk this morning. I’m sitting in The Hub, the casual meeting space our church rents in the local plaza for various events or “drop in” library, etc. I have a magazine to finish designing, a newspaper edition to start on, a blog post to write (oh look, one thing off the list!), Bible study homework to do, a ladies study group prayer email to send out, and a few other things all yammering for attention. So at least if you’re reading this, the blog post is DOWN.
I have discovered over the past few years that I can go through seasons where I can take on a lot of other people’s emotions and drama and handle it and be helpful. The older I get, though, the more intentional I have to be about processing it and releasing it so it doesn’t continue to add to my mental load (thank you, Jessica Turner for elaborating on that phrase in Stretched Too Thin, which I’m currently enjoying). This past week and a bit I’ve been heavy with many friends going through stressful seasons, hard decisions to make, massive health issues, serious relationship hurdles, my own husband with a heavy work stress load at the moment, and our kids just learning how to deal with their own emotions and function at school as civilized human beings. As well as sorting through my own worries and anxieties and “taking (them) captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
In the past, I’d try to make my mind just go quiet. Zone out and distract, rather than process and resolve. Netflix binge more than usual. I’m finding writing changes that and is now creating healthy ways for me to at least start my mind in untangling the messes of reactions, theories, conversations that won’t even happen except in my own mind, emotions, and experiences. Today I tried to decide which of the topics I’ve been ruminating on to tackle in this post, and I wasn’t having writer’s block so much as I was just having BRAIN block. I didn’t want to “go there” and rehash things to figure them out. Clearly I still am not ready, as I’m writing ABOUT not wanting to write instead of just doing it. (How meta of me.)
So I’m going to intentionally clear some of my “mental load” and the deadlines glowering over in the corner by working on my design tasks for awhile. When something that’s nagging at me or causing fear pops up and tries to distract me, I’ll hand it to God, and leave it for now. And focus on one task that is urgent that I can cross off the list and release some of my mind/stress load. Just identifying that I’m not feeling up to processing what I’m carrying gives me the start of relief, because I know I can hand the worry of it to the Lord and then all I’m dealing with is how I feel about what is going on, and decide if and when I’m being called to just pray, or to put feet to pavement, too, and do or say something about it. Also, when I don’t even know WHAT to pray for in a situation, I know that the Spirit is sifting through the emotions and the internal mess, knowing the ENTIRE story of what is going on, and translating it to a Father who cares infinitely more than I do, and is absolutely equipped to answer appropriately. (Romans 8:26)
There’s a reason this hymn has stuck around, as it’s altogether true and vitally important:
Are we weak and heavy laden,
Jospeh Scriven
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.