I’ve been quiet the last few months in more than one way. Here on the blog, yes, but also in my body. I’ve been spending more time listening. To God, to my body, to my brain, to others.
I’m giving myself more and more actual grace. Not “ya ok you’re tired, so rest, but you shouldn’t really need to,” but actual rest like “my body and mind need this break and it’s going to not only do harm if I don’t, but it is a GOOD THING to do.”
I started online therapy a bit over a month ago, and it’s been encouraging and freeing to be able to unravel things that I’ve carried shame or confusion with for a long time.
God has been very present, showing me I’m headed in the right direction, one inch at a time. Small decisions, made from places where I’m letting myself take a big pause where before I’d feel rushed to make the right answer or the expected choice. To ponder slowly. To really ask myself what I want and need, what the Spirit of God that dwells in me is saying THROUGH my desires. To trust that while my heart of human nature isn’t always trustworthy on its own, when I’m being led by the Spirit of God, the feelings will work in concert with that leading.
I’m leaning into pruning things. Into really pondering my phrase for the year: “creativity with intention” and how it will practically play out in the next few months. Quitting jobs that I can’t be fully creative in. Finding ways to help my body move. Saying yes to just being present with people again. There are plans to be made. Vaccinations to receive. Children to feed. Books to read. Naps to take. Art to make.
All these play into working out God’s good will for me, what He’s created me for. How I can be in community better, in relationships more fully, and grasp more of Who God is and how He loves. To inhale beauty and rest and love, and exhale serving and creating.
What I’m Reading These Days:
• Try Softer by Aundi Kolber (nonfiction)
• This Too Shall Last by K. J. Ramsey (nonfiction)
• Savor by Shauna Niequist (daily devotional)
• The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch (fiction)
• Shot in the Dark by Cleo Coyle (cozy mystery)
• The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien (unabridged audiobook, all 19+ hours)
